Here's A Little Somethin' to Smoke To

Now in my younger days, a title such as the one above would no doubt be referring to an extralegal activity, rather than a time-honored method of preparing meats and cheeses. It's true, friends, relatives, and prospective employers, that I have on occasion indulged in the wackiest of tobaccies. But these days the only weights I worry about are those of the pork shoulders I buy, and the only sticky-icky that crosses these lips is tomato-based. That's right y'all, I'm gettin high on the hog.

Whether you're indulging in a fat sack or a fat rack, though, its always crucial to have some activities to occupy you. To really barbecue something takes time - we're speaking in terms of days here, folks, not hours - but not a ton of actual work, so you'll need something to help pass the time. A crossword is always nice, and you can't go wrong with the Washington Post (or if you're still stuck on status over substance, the New York Times.) I've heard tell of people who spend their BBQ time imbibing libations, but that can get pretty dangerous, what with the fire, and the knives, and the cell phone full of ex-girlfriends' numbers. I'll take a tall glass of lemonade, please, extra pulp.

Regardless of how you choose to pass the time, music should be involved. If well constructed, your playlist can set the tone for a perfect day, transporting you to a place where cares disappear like wisps of smoke in the afternoon sky, and pigs frolic in rivers of hot sauce. Wow, we've come full-circle to the hallucinogens. But while you'll be just as hungry after smoking a Boston butt as you would be after a Phillie Blunt, and while friends and neighbors might still come around unannounced once they smell the aroma, you can be sure that no one ever got fired for having too much BBQ sauce in his urine.

Here's a playlist I might use to get in the mood. Unfortunately, I don't know how to post music on this site yet, but see below for a chance to win some great tunes from the Rib Report.

• Soul Food (Remix) - Goodie Mob featuring 8 Ball and MJG: Before the most slept on group of all time broke up and Cee-Lo went "crazy", Goodie Mob made this classic paean to good grub. Here they're joined by the fat Mack and MJG, "comin' funky as a pot of chitlins," over a smoothed out beat.
• Backyard Mississippi - 8 Ball and MJG featuring Goodie Mob: These guys play so well together, I couldn't choose just one song. Off of 8 Ball's "Lost", this is simultaneously a joyful ode to, and brutal condemnation of, the American south. If you want to know what ever happened to The Blues, check this out.
• Breakin' Bread: The JB's - A funky, fun, tribute to eating together. Should be mandatory for every potluck. Plus Fred Wesley shouts out his "Cousin Amos," on this track.
• Skew it on the Barbie - Outkast featuring Raekwon: Just as "Bombs over Baghdad" has nothing to do with war in the middle east, and "Rosa Parks" has no connection to the civil rights movement, this song is not at all about cooking on a grill. But the name alone merits its inclusion. Grammarians and guardians of proper English have heart attacks when Raekwon raps.
  
• Back to the Grill - MC Serch featuring Nas, Chubb Rock, and Red Hot Lover Tone: After 3rd Bass, before "The White Rapper Show," Serch made one solo album. Back then no one paid attention, but the Shambolics' Simple Hip-Hop Formula (if it was made between 92 and 96 its probably dope) applies here. Besides a great name, this song features a very young Nas. Plus you know Chubb Rock can get down on some ribs.
• Wind Parade - Donald Byrd, Morning Sunrise - Weldon Irvine: Sometimes you need to just lean back and stare into the clouds. These songs will make you feel great about doing just that.
• Melting Pot - Booker T and the MGs, Soul Pot - The Soul Ones: At some point in the day you're gonna want to retreat to the kitchen and get working on a batch of sauce for your hunk of meat. These joints will keep you bubblin as you tend to your cauldron.
• Fire - Ohio Players, Burning Too - Fugazi, Burning Down the House - Talking Heads: Should you choose not to heed my advice, and instead dive headlong into the Schlitz, you may find yourself with a situation on your hands. These tracks will get your adrenaline pumping as the flames gently kiss the low-hanging roof deck next door and you scramble out of the kitchen with a colander full of water.
• Blackwater - The Doobie Brothers: "I ain't got no worries, cuz I ain't in no hurry." The BBQers mantra if you ask me. This is from an album called "What Were Once Vices are Now Habits," which my dad thinks is one of the better album names ever. The band was an integrated bunch of long-haired, mellow dudes. Wonder what that name was all about, though.
  

Now, to try and drum up a little interactivity, its the first ever Rib Report Quiz. The first 8 people to provide convincing answers to the following questions will win a copy of "High on the Hog, Vol. I" which includes the aforementioned songs plus more smokin hits. (Just don't tell the RIAA.)

1. Which rapper would you most like to eat a BBQ feast with, and why? (I realize that this question skews a little young. If you were born before 1960, and can name a living rapper besides Eminem, Puff Daddy, or Snoop Dog, I'll give you credit.)
2. Is Willie Nelson the coolest man to ever sport a ponytail?
3. If Benjamin Franklin were alive today, what would he invent?
4. What will it take to get Ann Coulter to shut up?

Submit all answers to ribreporter@gmail.com. Winners will be announced once there are some