This can't be what Gloria Steinam had in mind

This article appeared in various news publications Monday. Apparently the rate of eating disorders among men is rising dramatically, with the culprit being - hold your breath here - the oft maligned, but never truly disavowed, ideal body type. Oh happy day. It seems that we're inching our way ever closer to equality between the sexes. And what a horrific equality it's shaping up to be: gaunt, malnourished skeletors roaming our city's sushi bars and gyms, obsessing over every calorie and gazing longingly at discarded pizza crusts on the streets. Hell, between ab-obsessed urbanites and Wal-Mart fueled exurban grease receptacles, Al Quada can just sit back and watch the show. Conservatives often claim that we don't have the backbone to fight terrorists, but the truth is we just plain don't have the energy.

Now we all know someone with an eating disorder, and its obviously not a joking matter (though the premise of male eating disorders is sure to draw a snicker or two, just as we make off-hand comments about man-on-man prison rape. Vulnerable men, such good fodder for jokes.) So the question is, will this development lead to a rise in empathy among men for the societal pressures placed on women to look a certain way? Or will the prevalence of chiseled boy toys lead to an arms (and stomach, and pecs) race of sorts? My money's on the latter. Look, as much as we'd like to pretend otherwise, guys are very susceptible to peer pressure. If everyone else is wearing a size 32 (and getting laid by that size 0 girl) its gonna be hard to resist the temptation. Just hit the gym an extra 3 hours a day, lay off anything with taste, and occasionally hit the toilet for a nice boot. You can blame it on too much Smirnoff Ice.

What I found most interesting about this story is the notion that while women who have disorders are typically obsessed with achieving an, "ideal weight," for men the driving force is the desire to have washboard abs. Damn you Usher. I actually wrote a paper about this very subject for a college class, though I see the researchers neglected to cite my work. A portion is excerpted below:

Judging from the evidence found in men's health magazines and my own experience as a male in our society, the ideal male body looks something like this: it is white, or more precisely bronze. It is tall, slim, but well built. There is a specific emphasis on well-developed upper body muscles, and one cannot forget the all-important abdominal region. The ideal male is clean cut with brown hair, though this is not a necessity. Not only this, but the ideal male body comes equipped with accessories, such as stylish clothes and status signifying cars. Achieving this ideal type is hard work but it can be obtained, we are told, with the proper lifestyle and the right purchases. This combination is crucial, for it reminds men that any failure to achieve physical perfection is our own fault.

My take is that this is a market-driven phenomenon. As long as there's money to be made on feeding into our insecurities, we're gonna be pummeled with images that, while perhaps attainable, are certainly not healthy. Let's be honest here: men's health magazines don't give a damn about our health any more than Cosmo is concerned with maintaining the psychological well-being of women. They want money. And just as a desire to achieve the perfect weight can lead a woman to purchase questionable products, the need to flex the perfect stomach on the beach can result in men utilizing dubious tactics.

I say enough. If you're one of my more testosterone-inclined readers, take heed: the "self-improvement" industry is on the hunt, and they've got you in their targets. Can you imagine how many more bowflexes will get sold if we can just get the rate of eating disorders among men equal to that of women? It's a veritable gold-mine. So how do we fight back? For starters, have some BBQ tonight. Close it out with a side of greens and some cornbread. Next, tell your girlfriend, or boyfriend, how much you love having a little cushion for the pushin. For real, the only folks who like their partners all skin and bones are necrophiliacs, pedophiles, and indie-rockophiles. Finally, and I know its a cliche, but try to love yourself. Whether man or woman, you're damn sure a lot more than the sum of your measurements. Personally, I love pulled pork and hush puppies, and the resulting tummy is more than a fair trade-off for the happiness I feel when a bunch of friends are over grubbing down on a nice pig shoulder. Is BBQ the path to enlightenment? Gandhi would probably disagree. But I tell you this much: while you're spending all your waking hours doing pilates and looking at your belly in the mirror, life is happening, and its a lot of fun. If you really want to buck the system, have some candied yams. Then go work for Obama.