Tofu BBQ?

Tonight's winner is an old friend, yet someone I've never had the pleasure if charring the flesh with. He's a martial arts specialist, future Golden Globe winner, and possessor of the type of mustache that makes Mr. Pringle cower in shame. Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Stylish Brigham.









1. Which rapper would you most like to eat a BBQ feast with, and why? (I realize that this question skews a little young. If you were born before 1960, and can name a living rapper besides Eminem, Puff Daddy, or Snoop Dog, I'll give you credit.)
Fat Boys - just 'cause. Definitely a choice of novelty. M-1 and stic.man of dead prez - hope to have some interesting conversation and I'm pretty sure they are vegetarian like myself (I realize this to most likely be the biggest sin in the BBQ world and will perhaps qualify me for a public ridicule but let me say: those of you without sin may cast the first rib). The choice I'd probably go with would be RZA: even if we did not share common ground with our diets (though he's been known to dabble) we could consume various herbs and tonics while discussing martial arts, movies and Jim Jarmusch flicks - all interests we definitely share. Actually, I am now officially pescatarian - perhaps fish is my "gateway drug." But what I really want to say about BBQ is this: although I have not tasted with mine tongue the side of a pig, I have spread, with mine own hand, various secret sauces and rubs on the tasty (I hear) animal flesh and of course enjoyed all other elements of bbq culture. I will say, though happy with being raised vegetarian, the bbq has always been the one place that amongst the laughter, the drinking, the food-induced stupor, I have, indeed, felt a twinge of sadness and loneliness for not knowing what it is to taste the tangy (or not so much depending on geographical location) flesh of the pig or cow.


2 - Is Willie Nelson the coolest man to ever sport a ponytail?
If the top-knot of the samurai does not count then, perhaps, yes. I must say I am unsure on this one. Can you be sure that Benny F. never tied his back-flap up to get down to it?

3 - If Benjamin Franklin were alive today, what would he invent?
Using his past accomplishments as a guide I might say his interests would take him to harnessing the power of alternative energy. Possibly something related to the medical field - early detection for some presently incurable disease. Or lastly, he might preach a return to simplicity and articulately explain to the world how our thirst for constant "advancement" has taken us farther and farther away from the point of it all.

4 - What will it take to get Ann Coulter to shut up?
After thinking about it for a bit I am inclined to say laryngitis. She's a political Howard Stern - she can't really "get in trouble" for anything she says, it only helps her publicity. Some of her other quotes:

"I think [women] should be armed but should not vote... women have no capacity to understand how money is earned. They have a lot of ideas on how to spend it... it's always more money on education, more money on child care, more money on day care."

"It would be a much better country if women did not vote. That is simply a fact. In fact, in every presidential election since 1950 - except Goldwater in '64 - the Republican would have won, if only the men had voted."

"I'm a Christian first and a mean-spirited, bigoted conservative second, and don't you ever forget it."


Thanks for playing Si. Look out for your CD in the mail. Well, first, how bout you send me your address. Then come on up to Philly and have a nice side of bacon. By the way, you may not remember this (I try to tell you only every other time we see each other) but many years ago I told you that Spiderman's story could be turned into a great movie. See what happened? Well, I've got another one for you, but this is the last freebie. Holler. Orange.
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And Now for the Winners...

Over the next two weeks, excluding Fridays, I'll be unveiling the winners of the First Annual Rib Report Trivia Contest. We had a wide range of entries, with some really insightful (and some potentially "inciteful") responses. Hey winners: Thanks for playing. You'll be getting a copy of "High on the Hog, Vol I" in the mail, under your door, or in the case of those of you overseas, when you bring your butts back home.

Two things before we get into today's winning response: Go Hoyas! Happy Birthday Walter!

Now, today's winner is someone close to my heart. A native of Arkansas, she's lived all over the world, from Turkey to Delaware, with a long stint in DC and surrounding environs. She's soon to embark on a new journey to most exotic locale of them all: Canada. Without question the most loyal Rib Report reader, she's also a font of ideas and constructive criticism. I present to you Anne Yarbrough, aka Rib Mother.

1. Which rapper would you most like to eat a BBQ feast with, and why? (I realize that this question skews a little young. If you were born before 1960, and can name a living rapper besides Eminem, Puff Daddy, or Snoop Dog, I'll give you credit: Tupac Shakur, because with barbeque it really shouldn't matter whether you are dead or alive. (Isn't there barbeque in heaven? It could be the ultimate Welcome Table.) And I'd like to look into his soul with all the hype stripped away. which I assume is what you do in heaven.
2. Is Willie Nelson the coolest man to ever sport a ponytail? Naw, I'd go for another redheaded southerner who never picked up a guitar but wrote words that sing, who was a conflicted guy on sex and race but at least was alive, who went into debt to pay for all the projects that kept tumbling out of his brain, and kept a Koran in his library, perhaps looking forward to the day that the first Muslim would be elected to Congress.and need to borrow it.
3. If Benjamin Franklin were alive today, what would he invent? The lovely thing about Franklin was he didn't believe in patents. He invented things and then just gave them to the world. So ... maybe ... Project Gutenberg? Google? Lexis Nexis? Something free and no strings attached.
4. What will it take to get Ann Coulter to shut up? Hmmm ...Greg says people stopped interrupting sports events by streaking after the cameras stopped following them. Why does the media track her at all? She needs to go the way of OJ Simpson. Just. stop. looking.

Great answers Mom. Be on the lookout for that CD, coming your way soon.

Tomorrow, another winner gets their just dues, right here on the Rib Report.