Testing, testing, is this thing still on?

Uh, hi. Its been a while since we spoke. I guess I'm gonna have to go ahead and take the blame for that. I mean, sure, I've got the usual excuses - flesh eating bacteria, covert mission to Finnish Indochina, guest stint on Law and Order:GOP - but really, I just haven't had the motivation.

No, no, its not that I don't want to talk to you. I mean sure, you're a little reserved, and yeah, I feel like these conversations can be awfully one-sided, but seriously, I'm just really bad at staying in touch. Ask my mom, I phone home less than E.T.

No, dumb ass,not the football player, that's LT. E.T., the Extraterrestrial. You know, Drew Barrymore, Reese's Pieces, all that? Anyway, this isn't going anywhere. I really just wanted to tell you about this BBQ spot I ate at a couple weeks back.

Well that's the thing, it really wasn't very good at all. It's called Phoebe's, right on the 2200 block of South St. in Philly. You know, they have those glossy brochures that they leave all over the neighborhood, the ones with flames licking the pages and assorted meat products floating through the air? So, I've talked a little junk about the place before, but that was just based on a nibble or two. I wanted to give these guys a real chance.

Yeah, I talked about the demographic composition of the staff there, and theorized that their BBQ wouldn't be up to snuff. But honestly, its not just that. I mean, what's your favorite rib spot?

Okay, and when you're going to get food there, don't you start to get really excited when you're like, a block away, and you can smell that smoke in the air?

Yeah! It's food foreplay! By the time you get in that door, you're ready to do some horizontal slam-dancing with a beef brisket.

Okay, sorry. That was a bit much as far as images go. But you get the idea. And when you're on Phoebe's block? Nada. No smoke smell. It makes me suspicious. I'm not totally convinced that they're even cooking with wood.

Well, the food supports my theory. The ribs were meaty, but dry and pretty chewy. The pulled pork was fine, just cuz, you know, it was pork that had been pulled, but it wasn't a stand out. We got some greens that were salty, cole slaw sans taste, goopy mac and cheese, and candied yams that were..actually they were fine. The menu says the sides are, "awesome," but I'm starting to have my doubts about whether that piece of literature was written by an objective observer.

Oh yeah, the sauce. Good question. We got mild on the pulled pork, hot on the ribs. Couldn't tell the difference. Neither one made my tongue tingle or my lips lust for more. It was sweet, thick, gooey. I think the best adjective would be cloying.

No, I'm not 100% sure what it means either. Sounds good,though, right?

No, no, I mean I sound good when I use the word. The sauce was not good. And that's pretty much it. I'm sure they'll do well. They've got a good location, good PR, and there are enough folks in this neighborhood for whom BBQ is enough of a foreign food that quality isn't as important as the experience. I think its the same way all those crappy Indian buffets stay in business.

Yeah, I know I'm a snob. Someones got to be though.

Alright, yeah, well I've got a vegan creme brulee in the oven so I've got to run anyway. But this was fun though. Maybe we should just set a standing date for Sundays, alright?

Right, no, I didn't forget about your a capella concert, but that's just a one time thing, so I mean, maybe we can just re-schedule that week.

Alright, cool, so I'll talk to you next Sunday. One.